Saturday, April 21, 2007

Awareness

It seems like a constant struggle to stay aware of Sophia and the Logos, and to be present every moment of the day. I've not yet had the luxury to be able to immerse myself in Gnostic thought or works, so I feel even more disconnected on a day-to-day basis because of my lack of knowledge. Still, I suppose it's never easy no matter the extent of your understanding.

It is a daily effort to remain connected to the ideas and imagery of the bigger picture. Perhaps I'm not doing something right, but I have yet to figure that out. Gnosticism is not for those content to just show up, you have to participate. I say this more as a reminder to myself than a message to anyone else. I think I am beginning to understand the concept that the "Gnostic must personally negotiate with the Archons", as Fr. Jordan Stratford+ has so expertly said.

Having said all of that, I am very much commited to the task at hand, if not fully prepared for it. Every day is an adventure of the self... something about looking in to see out. Now is time for daily focus and prayer, though, so... peace in.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Prayer

I have been praying the Prayer of the Heart for the last few days with my prayer beads. Although I appreciate how it focuses me, and allows me to contemplate the Holy Logos, myself, and gnosis in general, I don't think that it specifically is the prayer I will find most beneficial for this task.

As it is I have already altered the words for something more in tune with what I feel is more appropriate, and even so, it is still a prayer directed only at the Holy Logos. I could also include the Holy Wisdom in my focus, but for that I might as well rewrite the prayer entirely, so that is what I have decided to do.

Truth be told I would rather focus on Sophia, as I do feel more of a connection with Her. The Christos is something for which I had rejected for a number of years, so that is a concept I still have yet to fully embrace. The Gnostic framework that I now have does make that slightly easier to do, however. It has given me an entirely different understanding, one that actually makes sense to me, as foreign as it sounded upon first discovery.

I know that these are very basic, on-the-face sorts of issues, but I feel that once I have a daily routine of practice I will be able to focus more readily on the more in depth issues. The present is a time of exploration of praxis in whatever form it may take. As they say, baby steps.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Prayer Beads, Part Two

After being inspired by Rev. Langley's post (which I mentioned in my previous post), I came up with an idea for some prayer beads.

The image is a crude diagram of the final result (as I haven't a camera or scanner, sorry, had to improvise). The red beads are carnelian, the yellow with the stripe down the centre are tiger's eye, and the rectangular one is wood. The little black lines represent knots in the cord.

It's similar in style to a chaplet, but will be used a little differently, thus the difference in layout from a typical chaplet. There is, obviously, a cross and 10 upper beads. The upper, or carnelian beads, will be used as a point of focus for The Prayer of the Heart, and the cross is used as an anchor (or at least, that is what I call it) because it seems appropriate, and I like it.

Update: I have now actually finished the beads. They aren't exactly as in the diagram as I had a different idea about the construction once I started assembling them (the carnelian beads are closer together), and they look rather... amateurish, but all things considered I am quite pleased with them! I intend to make a daily habit of saying the Prayer of the Heart at least 10 - 15 times on each bead, for a total of 100 - 150 repetitions. I blessed them in the names of Holy Sophia and Christ the Logos, and am quite happy with this small, but for me, important step.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Idle Thoughts

I've reached a bit of a lull recently. It's nothing out of the ordinary for me, by any means, but I have to maintain my commitment. In the past I have (more times than I would like to admit) started something only to become bored with it and move on to something else when the mood struck me.

I think I've come to a point where I wonder what I am supposed to be doing now, and I haven't found the answer as easily as I had originally hoped I would. This is work. Gnosis doesn't just come to you. You have to be looking for it. In retrospect this is obvious to me, but I hadn't really thought about it. I have a long way to go, indeed.

I could be easily discouraged at this stage were it not for the fact that I know how meaningful this search for gnosis is. Sometimes determination is all you have, although it isn't always enough. No matter, I will continue on this path and be dedicated, both to the ultimate destination, and to the path I will tread that will take me there.

On that note, Rev. Thomas Langley of Light and Life posted an excellent entry regarding some very straight-forward steps that one can take to begin a daily Gnostic practice, entitled, funnily enough, Getting Started : Building a Gnostic Practice. I found it quite inspiring!